Local Man Once Again Foiled by Cheerios in Annual Chex Mix Competition
Seventeenth annual invitational sees familiar heartbreak as a single Cheerio derails a promising holiday snack.
Denver, CO — In what neighbors now regard as a yearly certainty, local competitor Mark Stout once again saw his hopes dashed at the 17th Annual Chex Mix Invitational on Saturday, felled by the same unlikely foe that has haunted him for years: plain Cheerios.
Early on, Stout’s pan emerged from the oven with promise. Spectators and judges alike praised the work: hearty seasoning, an even bake, and an aroma that drifted warmly across the room. For a brief moment, it seemed this might be the year he finally broke his streak.
That hope evaporated the instant someone spotted it — one lone Cheerio, half-buried among the carefully toasted squares and pretzels.
“He started strong. Good seasoning, good bake time, good aroma. But then I saw a single Cheerio… and suddenly they were everywhere. It was like watching a slow-motion derailment.” Judge LINDA MAYWEATHER
Within seconds, more O-shaped intruders revealed themselves. What had begun as a savory holiday snack quickly transformed into what one onlooker described as “a breakfast mutiny.”
While rival contestants leaned on bold spice blends, artisanal pretzels, and premium nuts, Stout once again put his faith in the controversial cereal. He maintains the soft, absorbent rings “add depth, charm, and wholesomeness” to an otherwise ordinary party mix.
“When you bite into something expecting savory crunch and instead get damp breakfast sadness, it’s hard to recover.” Head Judge MAURICE ELLINGTON
Critics argue that Cheerios — harmless at the breakfast table — are catastrophically out of place in a competition built on crisp texture and concentrated flavor. The cereal, they say, saps crunch, dulls seasoning, and replaces carefully tuned spice with “lukewarm Saturday morning energy.”
“It was as if the bowl turned against him,” said one longtime spectator. “You start with Chex and pretzels and little bursts of flavor, and then suddenly you’re chewing soggy nostalgia from the cereal aisle.”
Despite yet another disappointing finish, Stout appeared in good spirits. He accepted the bright blue Participation Ribbon — identical to the one he has received every year since the competition began — and posed for photos, ribbon in hand, Cheerios still visible in the pan behind him.
Fellow competitor Patty Wilkes, shaking her head with equal parts disbelief and affection, summed up the sentiment shared by much of the room.
“He’s consistent. Not in winning, but in spirit. And in Cheerios. Mostly in Cheerios.” Competitor PATTY WILKES
As the crowd filed out and the judges stacked their score sheets, talk turned not to whether Stout would return next year, but whether anyone could convince him to leave the Cheerios at home. Few were optimistic.
“He’ll be back,” one organizer said with a shrug. “Same apron, same smile, same box of cereal. At this point, it wouldn’t be the Chex Mix Invitational without him.”